I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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