so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
