all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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