the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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