I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
