i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
