I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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