I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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