The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
