he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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