Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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