Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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