I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
