We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
