No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
