if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
