They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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