No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
