My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
