I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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