walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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