i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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