Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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