I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
