if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Mom said you looked used
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize