just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
