I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
