I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
