Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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