You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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