Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
