Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
