i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
