so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
