Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
