Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
