I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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