i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize