Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
