I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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