I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
