I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
