She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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