I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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