I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
