Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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