He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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