You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
