I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize