i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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