peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
