I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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