I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
