i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
