He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
