Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
