last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
