My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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