I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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