I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Text me some of your sweat
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
