i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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