Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
