I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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