It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
