someone get that fucking seahorse.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
