Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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