some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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