I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
