you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
