....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
